Falling on my knees

I was challenged by the last study question at the end of chapter two, “Is it possible that your stress has created a barrier between you and God?”

That is a difficult question to answer honestly. I want so much to say that there is nothing between God and me. But last week I admitted that I was the problem, that I was the reason I was stressed. I was trying to control everything — things within my control and things outside of my control. I was not trusting God completely to handle everything and needed to be rescued from the troubles I have made in my life.

So, yes, stress has come between God and me. But a barrier? That seems like such a big, permanent blockage. I am thinking of the new concrete barriers that were just installed at my son’s school to keep cars from going into the bus area. They are huge and very solid.

I decided to Google for some pictures of barriers. Found one picture that had construction like barriers with a sign ‘can you break through?’ Interesting question when I look at my stressors and what I need to turn over to God. Can I get through this barrier so that nothing is between me and God? YES (I think). I know it is possible, but am not over confident that I can work through this, especially after a rough day.

barriersBut then I saw a picture that really caught my attention. There was a barrier with three lines – one going over, one going under and one going through it. I like to visualize things so this picture was great for me at this time. Did I want to just find a way around the barrier by going over or under it? Or did I want to break through the barrier? It came down to a question of the easy or hard route. I never do things the easy way, so here I go breaking through barriers.

This week’s has been challenging on several levels. The study itself presented challenges in naming my stressors. The personal stress self assessment exercise was tough. It was tough to admit what I was letting come between me and God. It was difficult to acknowledge what I was allowing to affect my relationships with others and affect my health. I was allowing all this to happen. Writing it down on paper what stressed me out, how it made me feel, what it is affecting in my life and whether I had control to change it was a very soul searching exercise that left me feeling very vulnerable.

The problem was the very next day was an extremely stressful day where I had to deal with two of the stressors on my list. I already felt exposed and weak when I started the day. So, by the end of the day, I was completely done. I had no choice but to fall on my knees and cry out to God.

“Lord, help!” I cried in my trouble and he saved me from my distress”
Psalm 107:19 NLT personalize

Yes, I cried out to God. But why do I continually wait until I am at the end of my rope before crying out?? I thought I was doing so well at handling stress. But I realized that I just had a very low stress since beginning this study and this was the first opportunity to put into practice what I was learning. I did acknowledge when I got to my breaking point and did go off on my own to spend time in prayer and did not react as I normally would. But why wait until my breaking point? Why can’t I give things over to God before I am completely spent? I really felt disappointed in myself. Another stressor is identified! I have very high expectations and often unrealistic ones for myself.

I know I am growing and changing and that change does not happen over night and I have to allow God to process the changes in me. But can he work a little faster. I was reminded of the story of the potter and the clay. God is modeling me. As he finds a flaw he has to reshape me and begin again. It takes time – I have to be patience.

“And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue
his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns”
Philippians 1:6 NLT

Identifying my stressors has made it necessary to be fall on my knees almost constantly. This week God’s voice has been very loud and clear to me. Now it is up to me to let him lead and do what needs to be done.

I came across the song by Jaci Velasquez tonight entitled ‘On my Knees’ and really like the chorus:

I get on my knees!
There I am before the Love
That changes me
See I don’t know how
But there’s power
When I’m on my knees

In order to be change my life to be less stressed, I need to fall on my knees and go before the only one who can change me.

Categories: Blogs | 6 Comments

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6 thoughts on “Falling on my knees

  1. Thanks Stephanie for being so open about how stresses in your life affect you and sometimes being unaware of them at the time. How bringing them before God is the only answer to help deal with them. Why do we wait to hand them over to God so He could come along side us and help us handle what is causing the stress we face. God understands and is there to help when we call out to Him. I like the last quote “I got on my knees before God and there is power on our knees. ” Didn’t really think about how stress is a barrier between us and God. Thanks again for sharing from your heart and how we so often try and lead instead of following. I’m so guilty of not waiting for God when I think it is taking too long .

  2. Kris D. (OBS Small Group Leader)

    Stephanie, thanks for sharing and being open!! I just commented in the small group I’m in the idea of “imperfect progress” from Unglued. Maybe you didn’t handle this current situation the best way that you wanted to–but you learned from it. You can’t expect to be perfect and react perfectly every time something happens, but if we look at all these situations as a learning experience, then it’s a win. Hope today is a better day!!

  3. Stephanie, I think we as women especially feel we can handle what gets thrown at us. I have to commend you for falling on your knees so quickly actually!! I usually wait until I don’t know what is bothering me and then have to work backwards. You went to your knees once you realized you could not handle things on your own! I, like you, am trying to get to that point where I go to him on my knees while I’m in the car, or visiting with a client….right where I am when I BEGIN to feel stressed instead of waiting until I don’t know what to do. Thank you for sharing your insight. Blessings on you.

  4. Janet

    It sounded like me writing this, I try and control everything too, I am working on it with the Lords help. I love the picture you found, it is perfect. I wish I could write like your bloggers, I love reading these every week, I get such insight from all of you who God has gifted with writing talent. Thank you so much for sharing this, Stephanie, I loved it!! 🙂

  5. Stephanie – Thank you so much for sharing with us today! The journey to recognize and admit our stressors is not an easy one. Waiting until you are at the end of your rope before calling on God is when God can really shine. Don’t beat yourself up about it! Just remember to always pray! God bless you friend!
    Erin Cuomo, OBS Group Leader

  6. Stephanie; love the visual on the barriers! I often wonder why I can just give it all to Him. What am I waiting for? But small steps towards the goal are great! The Lord wants us to cry out to Him; and although I would love to do it BEFORE I reach my breaking point; it is comforting to know that He is near; at all times! Great blog; loved it!

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